i can’t do this anymore(long entry)

tw: overall depressive themes, slight mention of suicide.

before anyone jumps on their keyboard, no. I am not killing myself or doing anything stupid or unnecessary. I’m just venting out my thoughts again because im a hormonal dumbass teenager with no fucking friends. Anyways onto the mess.

I’m so tired of this. So so so so fucking tired man. my stupid exams are coming up and i feel so stressed an exhausted. I’ve been studying for nearly two months in advance and i STILL don’t feel ready for this shjt. the teachers make it worse because they won’t give us a fucking hint about what’s on the exam and one of them left to go on holidays literally a week before they actually begin. Like what the actual fuck???????like the students are complained at for the smallest, most minuscule shit ever and the teachers just get away with everything. I can’t do this i can do this if antditTHIS SHIT ANYMORE. I swear to fucking GOD i will snap one day. But I won’t. I know I won’t. Because im an honor student, and honor students are supposed to be well behaved. I’m well behaved. I may feel like shit all the time, but people view me as well behaved because I don’t talk back. I’d seriously punch their bratty faces in if I had the chance. I would. 

I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom again. My friends aren’t in. I don’t know why they said they would be they didn’t. I don’t have any friends mother than them and they are ALWAYS FUCKING OUT IM NEVER IUTBDINDHDHDKD everyone is getting on my fucking nerves!!!!!!EVERYONE!!!!!!!I HAGE EVERYONE!!! IN THIS STUPID SHITTY SCHOOL THIS SCHOOL IS SO SHIT FUUCKKKKKKK 

Some girls just came in. They’re talking about boys. I hate the girls here. Now, I love girls platonically. I’m a girl. Girls love girls and they support them. But these girls are mean and too loud and they annoy me and hurt my ears a lot. They’re too vulgar. Now, you may think im vulgar given how much I curse here but I try my best not to curse because im religious and god doesn’t like cursing. they have food I think. I’m so hungry but im not sitting o it side by myself. That’s too much for me. Sitting on the floor of a fucking bathroom is better. I feel safer here. im so hungry. I wish i could eat.

I hate being by myself. I hate it. I feel so viscerally alone and it hurts so fucking much man. I think I’m just doomed to a life of loneliness. It’s my fault too, because im just……unable to socialize. I don’t want to and I can’t. I weird everyone out. I laugh too loud, too ugly, my smile is too ugly, my face is so ugly, my personality is so ighly, my body is too ugly, everything about me is too ugly. I’m unlovable. Others may say that but they have a chance. They all do. Someone’s there for them, but not for me. I am alone. 

I sound so fucking emo right now but I don’t care. im justtired so tired. I want to sleep forever. I just want to sleep . fuck school. Fuck beryone in this stupid world. I can’t do this anymore seriously I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t o can’t if dndnwe