being 15 was so weird

testing out blog coding woooo IK ITS MESSY AND LOOKS KINDA BAD BARE W ME

me & my boyfriend went through my old twitter accounts & myspace96 (lol, remember that?) and its insane how embarrassing and awkward being 15 is. i unironically told people "its not a phase" when i was going through probably the most insane phase of my life, said i had adhd because i was scared to say i was autistic? even though at the time, autism WAS seen as "quirky", i was still scared to say i had it cause i thought my peers would think it was lamer than adhd for some reason.  i feel like i was really ugly when i was 15, but my boyfriend says i was very cute back then, i just dont see it given i was about.. 100 lbs heavier and just.. cringe, but i was having fun so i dunno why im so hard on myself about it. on myspace, id complain so much about hating being 15, and complained about my parents.. and i had no clue that i sounded like such a.. teenager, lol? i guess, i thought i sounded more mature back then , but looking back , i really was just a child. atleast its not as bad as how some teens are now. i didnt make callouts, sorta just minded my own buisness for the most part. (unless people were bothering my friends, then id call them ugly.. which was usually true.)

i would include photos of how i looked back then but i dunno how comfortable i am posting photos of me when i was 14/15, even though im pretty open about it being me, lol.. my name used to be dizzy fantasy, which is kinda funny, i wanted to be like a scenequeen so bad, i wonder how she'd feel knowing that i'm pretty basic nowadays. i stopped participating in alt communities because post-tiktok, it got too difficult to be in them without feeling judged for not having $100 pants when the foundation of alt is literally DIY. i miss participating in subculture, but i feel like i wouldnt fit in with any nowadays.. maybe i am getting too old.

anyways, i miss when teens and kids could just be teens and kids. its weird knowing my agegroup is the last generation that got the chance to act like kids at a young age. at 15 i wasnt concerned w looking or seeming older, at 14 i was aware that i was a kid and that i should have been acting like one.. its sorta scary seeing 13 year olds and even 10 year olds who look older than i do, and them somehow having more eventful lives than i do.. not in a "im jealous" way, but in a "they should be on animal jam" way.