death seems nice

i feel like im boring. i dont shout like my other friends, or cause drama. i just, wanna talk. but nobody’s there for me. except my gf, but i always talk to her. nobody takes things seriously, and the only point of school to them is to laugh. and what am i? i feel like im just a downer. 

thinking in the shower is one of my favourite things to do. what do i think of? anything. today it was; 

“do i wanna die?” of course, i dont. but what about the people near me? lets say, i killed myself. my friends, my gf, my family. what about the people who think its their fault? the class taking attendance, and skipping over my name. the empty seat at the dinner table. i wanna die, but without burdening people. 

read through some stories of people feeling death. each person says it feels like peace. no stress, just emptiness. but in a good way. i want to feel that. to have no due dates, no social criteria, no subduing my interests because other people dont like it. but as dr seuss said, “There’s fun to be done.”