My daydreams are gonna be the death of me

There's a reason why I try my hardest to be pessimistic and not optimistic. I live in my head and daydream the fuck out of any small thing I have going on and convince myself that if I manifest it internally, it'll happen out of my head and in real life. But of course, like everything else in life, it doesn't work like that. I need to get my head out of my ass and stop having these delusions about a make-believe life that'll simply not happen. It's like I set myself up for failure and I'm so sick of it. For once, I want good things to just come to me and not feel like I'm chasing it. Like, I have my hands up reaching out for something, literally praying for it, but of course no one is gonna give anything to someone who begs. I don't want to have to beg for it, I just want it to be my turn. I want something real; I can't help it. I can't help getting my hopes up when I all I've ever lived through has been and felt like nothing. I want a change. I want to meet new people, I want to go to places I've never been before, I want to learn new things about myself. But I can't do that when I think every small change is message from the universe and get myself hyped up over nothing. I know it's not like that. In order for there to be real change I have to meet some mean people, and go to places I don't like, and learn some awful things about myself. And I know not everything is/will be a lesson. 

But just imagine for a second...

I ask my work crush if he's interested in hanging out outside of work, we exchange numbers, we go on a lovely date, we get to know each other, we confess our feelings, we teach each other things we've never learned before, we bond over our life experiences, we make new memories together, and maybe we fall in love (?). Or I quit my current job to become a music artist, post covers on YouTube, get picked up by a music label, create my own music, do some live shows, perform in a music award show, live my dream job. Or I go back to school, study to become an author, write and publish my first book, go on press tours, write books that speak to millions. Or I get out of my shell, go out and make more friends with wonderful people, be part of a friend group, always have my weekends booked, become "the life of the party" for once. It sounds pathetic and embarrassing, trust me I know, but isn't it so much better than a pessimist? 

What I would give to have my reality be anywhere near my imagination.