I don't think im cutout for a relationship

I just feel like things are unfair

You say I love you, I don't know what I love you means so can I really say it back?

You say you miss me, But I don't know if I miss you more than I miss any of my favourite people? Or maybe my tolerance is higher? I miss people after a few days, to you us not talking for half a day was a "I miss you" for me that's nothing a I miss you is a few days but I cant tell if that's just clingy/cute from you and just kind of i'm used to my distance me.

I feel like our relationship is at an imbalance. I feel like our relationship is unaligned.. unfair

I know its my brain but every time you say "lets talk" I assume its talking about ending the relationship? and may be that is a guilty conscience speaking. Maybe its the fact that since we had our first bump my (potential) BPD has hard signed to the fact that its only a matter of time until I fuck up badly enough you break up with me? Maybe that's why that little fluttery feeling finally went away, because I realised I'm bad for you because I realised that Whilst you might be a good mark on my scoreboard I'm a negative smudge on yours. 

Maybe these are excuses? Maybe I just need time to figure myself out and fix myself in both body and mind before I date properly, I am so fucking sorry for the pain I have and will cause you. I am so fucking sorry 

I don't want to lose you, you told me that I would you said that if we broke up you would leave, no friendships no nothing and maybe that was manipulative, it made me scared me made me bury these thoughts and feelings just that little bit harder because I don't want to lose you, but I think I don't want to keep hurting you more.

I'm sorry I jumped into this relationship thinking I was ready when I wasn't.

I'm sorry I have hurt you, I'm sorry I am going to hurt you again

I just need the confidence to tell you.

I'm Sorry I'm broken

I'm sorry I'm not trying harder.

:3

Eveie