Strength in Solitude

Almost fell victim to my own hedonism last night- remind me not to break no contact even if it’s in the interest of asking them to cancel a subscription that would charge me $90 on renewal. General question- is it always so that once someone is removed from your life, they suddenly realize what they’re losing and start with the false promises? I always hear about “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone”, and I guess when it comes to myself that has reigned especially true. Not even to gloat, as I recognize my shortcomings in any relationship and will be upfront about them when needed. But I always find myself with people who, once I’m no longer in their life, plead with me to give them another chance. It can be as much as getting back together, or as little as a conversation, but in any scenario I find myself needing crowbar-like strength to pry them off of me. It’s especially interesting in the situations where I’m the one who was broken up with. I understand the lack of remorse that regret wields- it keeps you up at night. I just struggle with the concept of leaving someone to then realize you made a mistake. My love is foolhardy to the point where sometimes I’ll even stay with someone knowing the pain it will cause me. I don’t see this as a positive trait in myself, but it is to say that I will stay when the going gets rough, even to a point of impossibility. So to those who leave me just to come crawling back, I ask, why didn’t you just keep me wrapped around your finger when you had me there?