I'm feeling weird and I need to write about it

I was feeling really giddy and optimistic earlier this week and last week, but now I'm feeling weird and oddly embarrassed. Today I found out that I need to go to another training next week, which means there's a chance I'm gonna see my work crush again, and instead of feeling excited about it, I feel nervous. And that's because I made myself a promise and I'm determined to go through with it, but now all these anxieties about it is making my chest feel funny. I want to ask for his number, I want to potentially start a friendship with him, but now the jitters are coming up (and not the good ones). My problem is I don't know how to initiate a conversation and bring it up to him and I don't want to feel the way I did after the last time I saw him. I was so disappointed in myself for not making a move and felt so regretful, therefore, I need to keep the promise I made. I need to ask for his number. 

No. I really want to ask for his number.  

Because I'm sure I could live without having him in my life, but I want it so badly. 

I'm trying to work up the courage and find confidence in myself, but just thinking about it is making me fucking nervous, so imagine how I'll be when I'm actually in front of him. God, I don't want to fuck it up, but I also don't want to let the moment slip again. I don't know why I'm like this. This is the only situation where I actually want help or advice, but explaining this to anyone feels so embarrassing. Because why am I having this many worries about a guy who I don't know shit about. The lack of romantic/platonic relationships in high school is starting to show. 

A bullet to the head sounds really nice right now lol. Wishing myself luck for Monday x