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Summary : I starved from yesterday night to 6pm today (because I couldn't hide my fasting to others), but it's no use : I ate shit from 6pm until now 10pm. Because of health issues I can't push myself to make my workout... I feel like shit. I got a breakdown too, I cried a lot for various reasons. I'm having serious conversations with my friend, about our relationship, identity issues ans such. it's really painful and sad, I wish everything could be alright at least with that one human being. I wish...
I feel so bad in my body, my weight change through the day, I still struggle to get dressed the morning before school (and often skip school because of that). Taking pics with my grandparents didn't miss me at all, I hate when family takes pics. They always use them to fill their lies, lies about "everything is alright, everyone smile".
I felt so ugly in this picture, my legs and face so big. My grandparents told me I lost weight though, but they change speech every years... Not only them, but at every meeting there's always one fam member that will tell me "oh you took weight" or "oh you lost weight", or the famous "don't take or lose any weight now, you're just fine like this", fuck them all. fuck them all, stupid shit.
If I can't push myself in making my 1h workout it's also because I'm currently waiting for my friend to get into a call with me. We decided to voc to discuss better on those painful feelings we share... I know it'll take all night (when we will finally live together I know I won't skip my workout for this since we talk all day together + I do most of my work out in front of her while we talk, so it's fine).
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