Day 122 of RISING AND GRINDING

Alright, fellas! I've been cooking this one up for a while, like two days but STILL! I think I like this one a lot actually or atleast the version I have written in my head and I hope you guys enjoy it too!

• Perfume who is a genius!
• I woke up this morning... got some gabagool!
• Stay curious!
• My strange addiction!
• RISE AND GRIND, FELLAS!!!
• Quote of the day!!

So recently, I had a conversation about perfume of all things! Not the book that Kurt Cobain loves ever so much, oh, I gotta add that to my list though but actual perfume. I don't wear a lot of perfume, I smell good already. When I smell sweat, it's never coming from me, I wash my body twice every day and then still put deodorant on. I am a very hygienic person but that means I don't need perfume. I smell like a hygiene store. I only wear perfume on special occasions and by special occasions I mean 3 times a year. I thought it would be good to try wearing perfume every day perhaps! That can't be a bad habit, right? Besides, I have so much of it. So why not use it? Then today came and I did exactly that, this morning I sprayed some on my wrists and on my neck because that's wear they spray it in the movies and I spent the whole day warding off a sinus attack. But I'm gonna continue wearing perfume every day, maybe a lovely girl at my art class will notice like in the perfume adverts, those are so weird by the way! I was being ironic about girls noticing, people aren't going to fall in love with you because you wear perfume. Smh, perfume ads are in a league of their own along with beer ads, i fucking hate beer by the way. Anyway, manifesting that a woman over 30 notices my perfume! Please not my art teacher though... not my science teacher either, I love my science teacher but she's really tone deaf and has a tendency for embarrassing her learners. Let's not get into that! It's not bad or anything, I just have other stuff i wanna yap about more. I'll add that to my bulletin list!

Im finishing my rewatch of Sopranos s1 in the next two days and I watched the second last episode of season 1 last night. Literally one of the greatest episodes of television. Spoilers!!!!!!! 

I love when what I'm watching parallels how Im feeling. I wouldn't say I'm depressed, I'm a glum person but I feel depressed sometimes, we all do. On that particular day, I was feeling in such a way. I was feeling great and then my mood sank into the depths of the ocean. I was like fuck it, I'll watch Sopranos to feel better and dude! I forgot that was the episode where Tony's depression reaches its peak. He becomes depressed because his best friend went missing and he has to grapple with the fact that he may be a rat for the FBI. It also shows some of the symptoms that most media would shy away from like not leaving bed, not taking care of yourself and all that. It's a really depressing episode, i actually cried while watching it. Also, Tony has this impactful line where Melfi says that it must be painful for him and Tony says..."You get stabbed in the ribs, that's painful. This shit, I don't feel nothing. Nothing. Dead. Empty." I feel so bad for Tony in this episode. He feels so alone. I love Carmella but even she doesn't care or doesn't understand. He literally has to hallucinate someone who actually cares. Oh also, there's a dream sequence! I love when it gets so surreal with dreams and the heady stuff! So Carmella sees Tony's figment which is impossible once you get the twist that she wasn't real and Tony made her up to cope. So it's a dream. Another clear sign that it's a dream is because Carmella threatens to castrate him, I don't know why this show is so heavy on castration but it's like symbolic of Tony's fear of losing his masculinity and that was a dead giveaway. The dream also shows all of his insecurities. Dream Carmella straight up tells him that he's a horrible husband and father and a terrible human being. That's unfair, horrible husband, yes, horrible person, yes but I wouldn't say he's a bad father atleast, not at this point. Also, despite Tony's figment, dream woman being very voluptuous. That's another giveaway, it shows Tony's view on women but also the type of woman he needs or needed. Listen, he's surrounded by many wonderful women, Carmella, Meadow, Melfi but his mother is a horrible person, I feel bad for her in some regards but in others not so much. She's so abusive and manipulative towards Tony and even tries to kill him. Melfi mentions in this episode that Tony's mother is always talking about infanticide which could be her guilty conscience since she made the decision to have Tony killed. I should try and wrap up! At the end of the episode, Tony survives the attempt made on his life nearly and it makes him feel alive and his depression is not cured but he's back on his feet again and he felt good. I guess this shows Tony's more sadistic tendencies. Though Palmice is more sadistic, he was the first person to suggest killing Tony but Junior only made it happen when Tony's mother suggested it. Anyway, after watching, i also felt much better which is odd! But it's funny how things parallel the stuff I watch. 

Short segment but the senior dance is coming up!! In like 4 months time. I'm so excited, I worked at the last one as a waiter soooo... I saw what it was like for the seniors and it's almost my turn! There's always a theme to it, last year it was like celebrity life, opulence, all that. It was cool! So, this week the teacher prepping this thing made a video for us and I was expecting to get a hint as to the theme this year and it was "stay curious" we were told nothing... so what do I want then? What are my predictions? Honestly, you know what theme I want? As much as i hate Tarantino so much, I love Pulp Fiction and I want it to be Pulp Fiction themed. As much as I hate Tarantino, do you know how badly I want to dress as Vincent Vega??? PLEASE LET ME DRESS LIKE VINCENT VEGA! I want to do this dance with my potential partner too. Manifesting another girlfriend so I can do this!!! 

I LOVE PULP FICTION BUT HATE TARANTINO! Or even like a mobster aesthetic would be cool! If only... I just wanna wear a nice suit like in Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction! 

By the way, guys, I may have found an addiction... not coffee, I've always put myself above social media addiction because insta, Twitter, tiktok, I can stop anytime I want with that but I got too cocky! I have an addiction to discord, particularly one server, I had to leave the server to focus on my exams. I'm in a few servers but when I hop in, it's like a special episode, it's very rare but this one server, it's owned by this really underrated music, Many Tiny Boxes is her handle, recommend her but I am in that server every night when I'm supposed to do my work. It cooked me! I had to leave! I blame Claire! There's this one girl in the server she's like the most entertaining person I've ever had the pleasure of conversing with. Their are other members that I love too and it may be to my detriment. I wish I were a misanthropsist sometimes but unfortunately I love you guys and I love people! Ugghhhhhhhh, I hate that I love people so much! I hate that people are so fun! I hate that I found a community that I feel genuinely comfortable in! I'll join again in a few days, I just need to get through this thing that's coming up. On Friday! I shall make my return! Then I can bully Claire again! Let's gooooooo!!! <3 woah! It didn't turn into a heart that time! That's a stupid feature on discord! When I type an emoticon, I don't want an emoji! 

I saw this funny pin once, it was one of those "if X character had twitter" memes and I don't usually find it funny but one in particular made me laugh, it was Denji from Chainsaw Man and this guy said if Denji had Twitter, he'd start every morning by tweeting "RISE AND GRIND BROTHERS!" Anyway, that's unrelated. I wanted to talk about these waking up at 5am challenges. Whenever I wanna see if something is bull or not in terms of self improvement, I watch Emma Chamberlain inspired YouTubers try it because they're millennial core, yes but they will snuff out the bullshit and I watched someone try waking up at 5am every day for funsies! I already know if the early rising works. It depends on what you're looking 

for. More time? Sure, try waking at 5! You want your life to be better and get more confidence and more gains or whatever people desire? It won't work. I've tried it, there was a solid 3 month period where I woke up at 5am every day of my life. I'm surprised I managed to do that. That's probably why I wake up at 6am every day even when i don't have to, I blame my RISE AND GRIND Era! I hate it, I'm always so tired! What else did I wanna say about this??? I don't remember. I really don't. Oh yeah! I know I just said I hate it but imagine if I woke up every day at 5am, how much could I read in that time?? I never have time for Dorian these days maybe I should reserve 5am for him but Oscar Wilde hated waking up early! I'll think about it, I don't feel I need to wake up at 5am rn. 

Quote of the day! This one comes from Hades 2! I don't play video games but this quote came to me through friend of the blog, JUNE/ARCHIE and I really liked this quote, I asked her if I could use it because it was just such a nice line! 

"Do not make promises you cannot keep. When tears well up, let them spill forth; they're not so precious that they need to be contained." 

Damn! That goes hard! As the kids say. Also she showed me a picture of Chaos from Hades 2 and if you're reading this, June, that ruined my day in the best way possible. Chaos gives mature person vibes, yk? They're like whatever the nb equivalent of an attractive mom is. I checked the wiki and apparently they're a grandparent! Damn, I can't even... older women are the end of me! My sister always sends me moms on tiktok and I was gonna send a Seinfeld clip which applied but there was a transphobic joke that I didn't realize! Why Seinfeld????? It's an old show, I get it but that's so out of character for the show! Yk, even though Jerry Seinfeld very recently made a mildly transphobic joke about the child of this guy he was interviewing. It wasn't terrible, or coming from a place of hatred but its disrespectful. I don't think someone would like to be told "hehe, you're child is stupid and can't decide on what pronouns to use" I gotta end this now. The evidence keeps piling up against me and I will never beat the older women enthusiast allegations. 

Anyway, good night chat and thank you for reading this blog! It was rambly but i hope you enjoyed it regardless, i enjoyed writing this!