Bedridden

I woke up today with a head cold, and just now have made the discovery that I’ve started my period. What a killer combination. I’ve been laying in bed all day, rotating between smoking, watching Youtube videos, and scrolling Instagram reels. I was a bit mad at myself at first because I felt like I was already backsliding on my progress and my routine, but I quickly realized how silly that is and that I deserve days of complete rest, especially with everything weighing on me mentally right now. All that is sustaining my body as of today is a quarter of a bag of Mini Eggs and a sufficient amount of water. Days like these are days I really yearn to be taken care of, so I am trying to practice taking care of myself instead. I will make myself soup and hot tea, put something I enjoy watching on my laptop, and get an early bedtime. I have been righting my sleep schedule little by little, finding myself going to bed earlier and waking up earlier each passing day. Hopefully staying in bed all day doesn’t set me back too much. 

I feel like when I write I sound as if I’m very rigid and hard on myself in my process, but trust that I am allowing myself grace while still holding myself accountable. I need a level of firmness with myself to achieve what I currently strive for.

I hope my cold clears up by tomorrow, but I won’t hold out hope considering I’m still hitting my vape like a motherfucker. Can quit every bad habit at once.