AAAARRGHHH!!!!!!

cw: mentions of sh addictions, suicide. basically just some angsty stuff.

oh boy. oh mama. oh lord. have I been feeling great these days!!!!no I haven’t that was fucking sarcasm.

well. I mean. I’ve been feeling like crap since last night. I accidentally upsetted my friend by making her feel stupid or something. I thought I was helping, but no. I’m just really fucking dense. I’m socially inept. I literally have no experience with socializing, im really just that fucking awkward. Maybe this is all because my two former ’’’’best friends’’’’’’ fucking left me and bullied me. Honestly fuck them two they can go die for all I care.

I’m wearing bands on my wrists now to help with my stupid urges. I had a self harm addiction at like 8 or something. I remember staying up at night and using my blue scissors I bought from smiggle to cut my arm. I got caught, obviously, and my mom was rightfully pissed at me. Of course I never stopped there. I remember one time, when I was in like.,.,….5th class(?) I got a sudden urge to do it and took a penscil into the bathroom. I slit my legs and they hurt so much that I could barely walk after. I told my old friend what I did afterwards. Idk. I’m being over dramatic again, I think. Everyone does this anyways, not just me, im no special case.

I’ve also tried committing too. Around the same age I tried stabbing myself twice and jumping off a roof. Of course I didn’t actually stab myself, im a huge coward around pain (ironic). And I stopped mid jump attempt cos one of my cousins came upstairs and I hid. I still get thoughts of killing myself, but im not going to do it because A It’s a sin and B im scared of like,,,dying painfully I guess. Idk. Idk anymore man. My friend suggested therapy, but im not gonna do it because im just 15 and my family doesn’t really believe in therapy or whatever. I’m so sick of all of this man. 

I feel so tired and lightheaded. I don’t give a fuck if this is edgy or whatever bullshit people spout im just so done with this. I’m so fucking tired of trying to make people like me im just going to give up man. fuck everyone. Fuck you all.  

I’m disabling comments because I don’t want some fucker commenting about how ‘edgy’ I am. if you think im edgy just fucking block me. god im so tired.