I just wanna go home

I need to go home. I'm going insane. I haven't talked to him in months but I randomly started dreaming about him every night for the last few weeks. and in every dream, there's always something so bad happening to me, and then at the end he saves me from it all. but in reality, I don't need saving from anything right now. I need to be saving him. I know he's doing drugs I just know it, and I don't care that he is, but I feel like he's gonna die. I don't want him to die without me. he promised me forever. I'm stuck here. why did I have to move?? I'm so worried about him. I'm not just right down the street anymore. I feel so helpless. I don't know why I'm trying so hard to save him when he doesn't give a fuck about me. I need him to live, even if he's not by my side. I care so much. I've never cared about anything before. I don't care about anything so why do I care about him??? it bothers me so much. if I would've knew that was the last time I was gonna see him, I would've hugged him tighter. honestly if I knew that was the last time, I wouldn't have left at all, I would've ran. I would've ran so far away with him.