Venting 2 Myself

I consistently feel like the biggest failure within my family and it weighs like a ten ton boulder  upon my back. My sister found a good boyfriend with a stable job and have recently moved into a HOUSE in the CURRENT ECONOMY. My brother is in college to become an engineer and not only is he on track to graduate before me he is much more popular, being a regular participant in his frat group and being a hit with the ladies. My other two brothers are both succeeding in sports in High School, something I could only achieve middling success in despite putting my all into it when I did sign up. Hell, even my littlest sister constantly has a large group of friends and spends nearly all of her time either with them or in basketball. My mother remarried after my father's death and, even if only through nepotism, got a stable accounting job that she's worked her ass off to succeed in.

Then there's me. I was never popular, never was great at sports, and constantly bounce between being out of shape and slightly above average depending on how my depression swings at the time. I can't motivate myself to do much of anything and end up doing nothing as a result, stuck in an ever deepening rut of my own making. I'm too bitter and jaded of an individual to do anything but push people away and consistently procrastinate on basic things that other people have no issue with. Everyone I talk to tells me I'm really smart but what fucking good has it done me?!?! Twenty four fucking years of knowledge and yet no workplace-applicable skills to speak of! Knowledge and experience is useless if you're too much of an unlikable edge-obsessed asshole that's so averse to real human contact that you can't get a serious job! What's the point if you're too full of yourself and stuck inside of your own cyclical self-destructive thoughts that you can't do simple fucking college work??? I failed two entire classes this semester because I was too much of a goddamn pussy to just go to class and talk to other human beings, this crippling anxiety bullshit that I like to cling to like a crutch for some inane reason. Maybe if I keep making up excuses, blaming other people, and cutting off anyone that has the audacity to tolerate my presence I'll really make it! Yeah that'll do it. God I'm such a narcissistic asshole. Whatever. Fuck this.