TW for weight, parents, cancer.

My mom found a lump in her breast today because it was itching. She said when she had breast cancer when I was a kid it itched too. She has a mammogram in a few weeks at least. I already feel sick with worry. Yeah I’m not close to my mom like I once was but I am embarrassingly completely dependent on her. I’m still unemployed. Still trying to get a job through vocational rehab but they’re likely not gonna see me until June and my mom keeps asking me about a job. I haven’t told her how busy these people are. I’m almost 30 (28) and I have nothing to be proud of about myself. I only finished college because of my mom’s help. She really shouldn’t have helped at all. Most parents stop helping their kids when they’re adults, you know? My problem is that my mom did everything for me while I was growing up because she’s just like that and I was a disabled kid so I needed extra help anyway. Now I’m an adult and I don’t know how to do shit. I’m usually in my room being a recluse with my girlfriend because she’s too easy on us and didn’t kick us out because we didn’t have jobs. Now Wren has a part time job but it sucks and she’s trying to get a different one. She hasn’t gotten paid yet. We could really use that money because I’m tired of owing my mom. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been. I don’t think I’m overweight but I definitely look different, like in my face. I hate it. I want to change my entire life around but I’m too lazy and scared to do it. I hate that. I hate that I’m like this. I want to get better but I never have. I’ve never been proud of myself. I’ve never been happy with myself. I feel like I’ll never be someone important.