I am getting better!

Hi

First post in a while, god damn. Not THAT long but 3 weeks. This is gonna be long so i apologize.

Hi!!!!!! Im fine. I havent posted because..idk. Ive been busy I guess? Also i dont have any real friends on here so really theres no point. No one reads these anyways. Ive been doing okay. Ive gotten better! Mentally at least. Sorta. Ive been trying to be nicer to myself. Ive been on top of my schoolwork more and have been doing simple things. Little things that make me happy. Im content. I AM NORMAL!!!!!!!!!! Not really tho. I want to be. I want a flip phone…..i need new clothes. Ive been playing so much mariokart lately. And listening to the OST (listening to SNES rainbow road as i write this lol) ive been trying to eat healthier because i really really REALLY wanna lose weight and work on myself. I wanna get prettier. Ive been very discouraged because i look at my body and get sad and then i eat food to make me happy and then get heavier and get sad and the cycle repeats. Im not fat or chubby really…just kinda wide. My body is really weird. It looks like it was randomly generated. But yeah i want to get skinnier so i dont feel so gross and so i can get better clothes. And if i cant change my face at least id have a nice body, right? My bangs are very long now, below my nose so im doing i middle part now (i think ive mentioned that) my hair is pretty messed up rn tho..it feels so weird and i have so many split ends. My shampoo + conditioner makes my hair feel soft i guess.. but its pantene and i dont think thats good for it. It just feels SO thin. Like hay…yuckkkky i want shiny smooth full healthy pretty hair. But dont we all? What else…my hands are shakeeyyyyy they always are. Yeah im really just trying to get better. And be normal. I wanna be a NORMALLLL GIRLLL and im not saying that like “euehehe im so quirky and different…i wish i was normal xd im so potato ;p -.-“ GOD NO. Im saying i wanna be sane and healthy and have a positive headspace. I am digging my way out of my hole. I wanna be GOOD yk? I need to get my life on track. I wanna be HAPPY!!! Im looking forward to summer because im going to work on myself. Im gonna do it i promiseeeeeee. Im going to lose weight and take better care of my hair and find a good haircut and good clothes and get more stuff for my room. Im so happy its spring rn. Spring is lovely. I saw a play today. “Something rotten”. Really good and funny (ish) CASTING WAS PERFECT. Each actor was perfect for their roles. Like if i was reading it as a story thats how id picture the characters. One of the guys, Nigel in the play, was SOOOOOSOSO CUTE he looked like kristoff from frozen. UGH I NEED A BOYFRIEND……………… rraaaaaghhhh. Lots of things i want. But yeah thats it i guess. Im making my way there and im pushing through. Im very proud of myself. For the past 4 ish years (20, 21, 22, 23) spring has always been the worst. 2020 is where my mental health decline started (obviously) and i got really depressed. 21 i started cutting myself (some dramatic stories there..) 22 i had a psychotic breakdown and REALLY cut myself. (Another crazy story) and 23 i got sent to a psych ward …but YEAH! Nothing bad has happened …yet…(except for a mental breakdown over a cupcake) so thats good. Ok, thats pretty much it. Bye for now! ^_^