Nonsense Yapping #1

April 22, 2024

A lot has happened

I said last time that I went to this talk therapy. Honestly the advice that she’s given to me, I already know and I know better advice than what she has given. But what made it worth it is that I am able to share my unfiltered thoughts to her without feeling judged because she’s a professional and she seems really nice and she just felt like a person who wouldn’t judge me. Whenever I rant to my friends about what I feel, I constantly feel judged but with her I don’t.

Another thing that made it worth it is that my main concern is I tend to overthink about what people think of me and it mainly affects my relationship with people I know and the people I will meet because I will think and I will convince myself that this person hate me, even when they aren’t doing anything to me and they most likely don’t even acknowledge my existance at all, and what happens is that I will make that person feel that I hate them too. Which in turn will make that person think that I hate them for no reason so I am making them feel what I am imaging in my head about them. (idk how to explain this). So in short, this therapy made me feel like this overthinking pattern is just stupid and that I should stop coz its fucking stupid and ridiculous.

Just now Im overthinking an encounter with my professor in class and I just stop and convince myself its ridiculous rather than convincing myself that “they hate me” is true.

Anyway that’s that.

I felt proud with my grades with the exams last week. I feel like I did a good job. For once, I did a simple JAVA programming problem on my own, without directly copying and pasting it on chatgpt and making it do my work, and it just felt so rewarding and I am starting to feel a little passion for this. That feeling when you have solved a problem and it worked, satisfying.