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This might be the oddest thing. And I didn't really wanna write it anywhere else.

But sometimes...I take comfort in the isolation I feel from everyone else. If no one cares, then no one is bothered by what I do or is worried abt me, and that comforts me some, to not cause anyone any worry or pain or trouble. Weird way to make peace with things, but hey. If somethin happened to me no one would know, and therefore no one would be in pain abt me or for me. My mom would know cus I would prolly visit her dreams the following night. my dad would know too. and my granny, she'll prolly have been knew if smth was gonna happen to me. Pawpaw and Will wouldn't know unless Granny told them. I have a strong feeling that there are some who would be overjoyed if smth did happen to me.

But just...if I'm not causing anyone any trouble, that makes me feel better than if ppl were worried sick abt me. So I tell myself that to feel better abt my reluctance to get too close to anyone. I still have trouble believin my fam really cares abt me that much, but I'm learning. I know they do, but I don't know what exactly to do with or about it. Esp. since I grew up without most of them. I know this is a super unusual way to explain my self-imposed isolation...maybe even just an excuse to stay to myself. Because I don't often feel like I'm missin much, because I've already missed a lot. I think I've already seen the worst of it. I been my best adventure buddy. Besides the Others.