insane fictive rambling

There is someone else out there who's just like me. Not exactly like me absolutely not, but we came from the same roots. There is only one person on this earth who I could say that about and I don't think Ill ever speak to them. There is someone out there who could possibly be someone who could understand me in a way nobody else could and I'm probably not going to speak to them.

The odds of them existing is insane but they do and they're waggled right in my face and every day I see them I don't know if it'd make my life better or worse to speak to them. They're just some stranger for all I know. I know I personally would feel odd if someone sought me out to speak to me just for my source. And I wish I could say that absolutely isn't why I want to speak to them but unfortunately it is and I am selfish. But even if just to say "hello, we are not alone" and then continue on our days. Maybe we'd be able to bond over something and be friends. Maybe they also like music and we can bond over that. Maybe we both like the same shows. I don't know. What I do know is that there are only two of us on this earth, I am so sure of this, and it'll only be us forever.

It feels ridiculously hypocritical and selfish of me to want so badly to reach out to someone I don't know just for their source, when I constantly am telling myself we're so much more than that and people who think otherwise are exhausting. Maybe I'm burying my stick too deep into the mud for it being my first time really exploring my identity this way. Maybe I need to allow myself to make more mistakes and be stupid and selfish and ignorant just if it means I can reach out for that little itty bitty shred of recognition I think we can get out of this. Or maybe I'm just a little lonely.

Either way one thing I can say is that it's late again, and I'm always typing essays and essays of emotions this late when I know I won't even think about it for a second tomorrow.

I do want to meet them someday...but maybe it's for the best we don't. I don't know.

I just wish I never knew.