writing until im bored 1

Before I could really understand what was happening, the teacher had called my name, and i saw the front of the class like an endless hall i would be marching towards for eternity. I picked up my notebook, pencils, and calculator, and I moved to the second desk on the first row. This is where I would be for the remainder of the semester at the very least. And next to me were two of my friends, Ashley and Jordan. None of us could quite grasp math in a way the teacher thought was satisfactory, so here we were imprisoned. After class, Ashley and Jordan shifted out of their seats. "Well that sucked," one said. "I don't understand how he expects us to keep up," said the other. I, between them, trailed off into my own world. I was thinking about later that day. After school would be my first date with Emma, the girl I had a crush on for a year and a half now. The classes were my chance to take my focus off the encounter later today. But in between, the images flooded back in. We walked through the hall, and I broke off from Ashley and Jordan to move towards a science classroom. As I passes the 200 wing, Emma slid right by me. "Oh hey," she awkwardly mentioned, "You're still down for the Astro Burger place tonight?" "Oh, yeah, "I awkwardly responded. I should've said bye, but for some reason my mind could only think of class now. So I turned and left. Why, the moment I get a moment with her, do i shut down? Whatever.

A few classes later, and school was over for the day. People shot down the halls loading up in buses, getting in cars, evacuating the premises. I stepped on the bus, and leaned against a window as it rumbled to a start. We floated past trees and grassy farmland. The trees slanted as we sped up, and everything became a streak of color as i squinted my eyes. This is so beautiful. But tonight, I'm going to meet someone I've known for a while. And this time it's going to be different. And that scares me.

We moved on through the neighborhoods and into mine, a small suburb. Of course it was a suburb. And I got off. I opened the door to my home and ran in to my room so I could finally feel the comfort of my bed again. This is where I needed to be, not outside.

The time came. I put on my nicest pair of jeans, a nicer, less smelly shirt, and some cologne, maybe a little too much cologne, and made my way down the stairs. My mom sat in the kitchen doing the math on some bills. "So you're going to eat outside tonight with a friend?"

"Yeah" "Alright, well, if things change we're having fish for dinner tonight, or you could invite them over if you want." "Ummm, no thanks."

I drove over to the Astro Burger. This was one of the first handfuls of times I'd used my car. Turning was always a scary experience. Every small corner was an ordeal. I made it to the restaurant and pulled in to a spot. Then backed out. Then pulled in again, between the lines this time.

She was already in there. I hope she didn't see that.

I walked in, and my eyes were locked on her the whole time. She was looking down at the table, on her phone.

He was looking at me. I could tell. I looked down at my phone, fiddling with it because I was scared. God. How was this going to go? I wish I wasn't so awkward.

I walked in and waved at her as she looked up. She gave me a half wave and a smiled and I sat down with her. "Hey, have um, you ordered yet?" "No, not yet. I thought I'd wait for you."

"I gotcha. Let's get something then." We walked over to the counter and looked at the menu. I'll pay for her. I'll pay for her. We got to the counter. "I'm paying for both of us," I blurted out before the cashier could speak. "I'll have a number two and what do you want?" "A number 4 without the fries." "A number 4 without the fries."

We got our food, and we sat down. We hadn't said that much. "Do you like this place?" "Yeah, it's pretty alright, I think." "I've only been here a few times. I usually go to McDonalds or whatever."

Small talk. All small talk. thirty minutes rolled by. Then forty five. I wanted to say real things, but I couldn't fit them in. It would be too harsh.

"When do you have to be home," I said.

"Probably soon, honestly," She said.

"Do you want to do this again?"

"Hm. Sure."

Silence.

She broke it. "Was this a date?"

"Yeah, I guess I think so."

"Hm."

We'd been very conservative up to this point. Arms below the table. Staring past each other, or looking down at food. Light conversation.

The air had changed. My breathing changed.

"Have you ever been on a date before?"

"Technically once," I said.

"How was it?"

"Awkward, haha."

"I've gone on a few, and they were also awkward. Maybe that's the thing."

"Yeah, maybe things are just awkward. I know I'm awkward."

"You're not too bad, haha!"

"Ehhh. I'm pretty bad."

Silence.

"Do you like me?"

"Um."

Silence.

"I like you, I don't know. I don't know. Do you like me?"

"Yes."

She stared down at her drink. Her eyes were locked on me until this moment. She didn't look up from her drink while I said these words:

"Sorry, was that too direct?"

"No, no."

"You don't, you don't like me like that."

"I mean. I..."

Silence.

"I don't think so."

What a waste of time this was.

"That's okay. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine! I just don't wanna think about like, dating or going out and all that stuff right now."

"I understand."

She looked up briefly to my face. She looked scared.

I looked up at his face again, briefly. I liked his eyes. Was this gone forever now? All I could think about was that look on his face. And how it made me feel. Did I do the right thing?

Her mom arrived and picked her up a few minutes later. We laughed it off a bit, and threw our trash away. I gave her a half hug, and she turned away. We had talked to each other in school for years before this. I wanted to say something as she left, but couldn't think. I never talked to her again.

He looked at me through the window as I rode away. I cried that night. I still see his eyes, in that moment, and I dream about his thoughts. I made up a story of him in my mind, and knew I needed to write it down at some point. I wonder if he's done the same.