Crushed once again

Been a while since I updated about the silly little things, but I figured keeping a collection of these thoughts might help me for future stories or music I wanna write? So here we go.

“You’re one heartbreak closer to finding the one”

I'm being so dramatic really. The Bob and the Bill situation are both equally crazy. I think I still might see Bob one day but idk. After everything I don't even know how I feel about that anymore.

Berna and I have talked about how we need to start making room for people who pursue us and not the other way around.

I almost feel like I have no right to feel so heartbroken when the entire situation really only existed in my head. I still want Bill to feel like we could be friends. It isn't his fault I felt this way, and genuinely it would be selfish to just be like "I can't be friends" with this dude who is nice and who is operating with similar goals just because I thought he was cute once.

The craziest thing is that I already drew that boundary early on! I already knew I just found him cute and it meant nothing from the small amount of convos he had. Like his personality is genuinely not even my type! Like why am I so upset when I chronically just get bored and catch feelings lmfao.

Man if I wrote this just a day or two earlier this would have had a wayyyy rougher tone to it. But I think I am genuinely kind of over it. I wasn't even into him! That's actually crazy. Crazy.

I think I have some sort of addiction to this feeling of having a crush in a super unhealthy way. I feel like a lot of the time it's just something to harness all my energy on to distract me from the fact I'm a) running out of cash fast b) the world is absolutely going to shit c) I don't know what I really want from life.