this feels forever

When I am anticipating something, that I know can go wrong I am always thinking about it. When I fail I think about the feeling I feel, the amount of guilt, and shame I feel will last forever. So when I eventually get out of feeling sad, it is something else. I failed, this is how I will feel forever. No, it isn't I hate how I think I hate a lot about myself I have 0 self-compassion just self-pity that disguises itself as such. That last sentence was self-pity it's insane how easy it is to just feel bad for myself. It makes me feel better it makes me feel as though it isn't my fault that I have nothing to change. "I want to move into the middle of nowhere and live by myself' when people say this I think they're stupid and just irritated at the world. I don't know why but for me, I feel the same way but I feel as though it's different like I'm somehow different. I hate how much I feel these days I wish I could go back to where I didn't have to worry about anything. This is such a negative way of thinking I don't truly believe in it. I am having happier moments with people I truly care about, but I'm having worse moments as well. The thing is no matter how bad I feel everything I've been doing has been and always will be worth it. No amount of me being sad can counter me being positive in the end.