Day 8 - introspective stream of conch

Day 8 and a little late ! 

Almost forgot to do this because I felt like I didn't have anything to say. Despite the eclipse, it was really a nothing kind of day so this is a nothing kind of entry. I can't sleep right now and then I remembered I hadn't yet written anything so here I am.

When I told my therapist I was having trouble sleeping she suggested using images to create a story for myself that I could then continue to help me drift off to sleep. What she doesn't know is that my imagination knows no bounds and my brain never stops thinking, so something like that isn't always helpful. I have had many a sleepless night creating horrors in my mind that keep me awake. Even if my thoughts are happy ones, the sheer excitement of the perfect fantasy I create will keep me from drifting off. 

Tonight at least they are good thoughts, though they turn scary when I think about them in the context of my reality. Scary because I think it's something I really want, and I know that I am building it up to be far too idyllic to actually exist. When it inevitably comes crashing down in front of me I will be devastated, and that makes me feel so silly. How can I be upset about something that was never even real in the first place ? So much of my thoughts- truly like 95% of them- are make belief. Based in some truth yes, but I always take it to a place that would most likely never happen.

I'm scared that my reality will never live up to the fantasies I create for myself.

Okay maybe not such a nothing entry. Very glad I remembered to post today. Going to try to sleep now. Good night I love you all

-coco xx