I think I discovered more

So... I purposefully triggered myself to have flashbacks and remember things while doing EMDR (or at least it was the idea)

But there wasn't any flashbacks but rather realizations (?, I don't know how to explain it but while I was reading the book "From the trenches" by Wendy Hoffman and Alison Miller, I encountered some information that made many memories make sense, those memories before seemed just like something weird that happened and that I felt uneasy about, but when I read that it all just made sense... But it's still really hard to believe things actually happened when you have amnesia haha...

I don't even feel comfortable saying what I discovered yet, I just feel like I'm lying even when deep down I know all that is most likely true... But I don't want it to be true...

-Matthew