Momento Mori.

a different diary entry. 

(6/04/20XX)

today, i did the most terrifying thing i have ever done. and ive finally done it. 

i felt sick to my stomach today, because i was so nervous about my plan. even though i know exactly how everything is supposed to go, i was terrified. it wasn't really until 2 hours before my plan took place that i was terrified because i didn't know what i was going to find in dads office or on his computer. and honestly, i was hoping that he was 100% cheating. because i wouldn't doubt myself. but i was also scared i would find something worse than cheating. 

im not really sure why, but for some reason when i'm scared now i repeat a line from Coraline. the part before she confronts the other mother about the game and her parents. 

"Stay strong, Coraline." 

And honestly, i feel like i'm stuck in some sort of limbo of that particular situation in coraline. But instead of Coraline finding her parents in the mirror and knowing that she's the only one that can bring them back. 

But me, the image of my real parents died in that fire 3 days ago. and now they've been replaced by husks. i'm only going back to the other world so that i can find the truth and gain my freedom. 

because my real parents aren't coming back. and my help won't do anything. 

I cut the whole in the fly wire much bigger, cuz i wasn't able to get through. now it's even more stupidly obvious but i don't care. i tried doing a test run out of it while my parents were watching tv, and my heart was pounding and racing like crazy. Turns out putting shoes on is a stupid idea so i ditched that. i went to check if they were still watching tv at 11. my plan was to originally leave once they both go to bed, but i realised that they were distracted! so i fucking ran for it. 

i opened dad's computer and it was IMMEDIATELY on facebook messenger on dani's texts. because of COURSE. 

Now for the past day i've kind of been doubting myself and have thought about if this was some BIG misunderstanding. but as soon as i started looking through those messages agian, i was like. yep, he's cheating. there's NO doubting it. and tbh im kind of relieved that my stress and fear building up all day is done now, that sinking feeling in my stomach is gone. he is STILL cheating but im just glad i don't have to doubt it now. 

so, im not gonna be bothered to add the photos i took of their messages but here's the info i've gathered.

-talking about "single parent child minding shift" (no clue what that means)

-they talk to each other everyday.

-talking about "my turn to be single ❤️" or "enjoy or singles night 😍" (they're still both married?) 

-dad calling her "Babes"... fucking nasty

-talking about headys? either like "getting head" OR something drug related

-oh btw, the mushroom that dani bought wasn't a dick joke. it was a SHROOM joke. dad might be taking fucking SHROOMS.

-nope theyre both taking shrooms. that's somehow the least concerning thing here.

-Dani sent pictures of her feet i think (she only mentions it after dad says something about a "wank bank" most likely just porn/nudes to jerk off too) holy fuck does my dad have a foot fetish?????????

-they're both talking like a couple. dad talked about how whenever he picks up the phone he wishes it was her and dani thinks it's sweet

-"its fucked isn't it. your happy your husband is absent while i'm down because my wife isn't the same." REAL FUCKING TEXT.

-dads apparently going to two baseball games without mum knowing (since when did he like baseball...?) 

-dads using cock pills, either for masturbating or their having sex secretly. may be both, i want to fucking die. 

-dani wore a shirt with a heart on "for my dad" 

-dad saying "did you like my ""shirt"" " and then dani attaching a gif of a guy ripping his shirt off.

-dad had a dream mum cheated on him and now he "feels bad". still more sexual and flirting after that, so he clearly doesn't. 

-apparently mum and dad have MARRIAGE THERAPY??????? 

-oh and they also talk shit about how messy my room is. 

that's all i have to offer from that. scariest thing i've ever done in my life, but i'm so SO glad i did. i might do another one next week because for some reason the internet wasn't working on dads computer at ALL. so i had to just see the only stuff that was loaded. maybe tomorrow night i can see if the internets alright agian, but i have no clue. 

in the next few months, my family is going to be fucked. but i'd rather tell the truth and have my mum and dad split, which hopefully they do because what the fuck. i'm just concerned at this point in time of how my parents will react and what will happen with my brother and if i'm even going to be able to LIVE in this town. but i'll deal with the "what if's" later

ill report my findings to my friend first thing tomorrow. i honestly have a lot of hope, i feel excited! although that'll probably wear off in no time, but i have the whole future of my life to finally be a better person than both of my parents. 

momento mori.