Watching the wall

I keep fumbling around my room, doing nothing.

I have to put the same picture up, over and over. It keeps falling down.

I've tried cleaning my room. Make it tidy and nice. I can't.

I'm starting to feel the room isn't capable of becoming clean.  Or tidy.

It feels claustrophobic at times, staying in this small room, with so many things in it.

But going outside feels like a chore at the moment. I don't feel like it when the snow is falling still.

But that might just be an excuse. Maybe it's just because I'm tired. But I don't want to be.

I want to paint. I want to sing. But motivation doesn't come to me that often these days. I think i might have to force myself to be creative still. And to read. Learn new hobbies. Keep making food. Not fall back into bad habits.

I wish I had joined the photography club, so I'd have an excuse to go on walks, and I love taking pictures. But I'm not really good at making friends I think. I've tried joining a lot of clubs and activities, but I can't seem to form lasting connections with people. Maybe I'm to insecure to really put my heart into it.

But the snow will melt. I hope it doesn't fall again until next December.