OCPD probably.

i don't understand why i had to be cursed with this bullshit mental illness.

i dont need a diagnosis to know i have it. it's literally the ONLY thing that makes sense. I can't seem to find anything else that makes as much sense as this one.

my life feels like it's ruined and there's just no point to it.

i mean seriously, EVERYTHING is fucking ruined for me. it is damn near impossible to enjoy anything. EVERYTHING is a competition in my head. and if i'm losing the competition i am a worthless failure. 

i HATE living like this.

i HATE being alive.

everything feels awful. 

i'm stressed out all the time.

i'm always feeling worthless.

i feel like i'm gonna be this way for the rest of time.

i feel like i'm gonna die miserable, worthless and alone.

i feel like i'm gonna before accomplishing literally anything.

nothing i do is enough.

and because i feel like that

because i feel like trying is pointless it makes me not do anything.

and not doing anything makes me feel worthless.

and the cycle just repeats.

every failure just validates my worthlessness.

i can tell myself failure is inevitable. it does nothing. i still feel useless when i fail.

i still compare myself to everyone all the time when it comes to fucking EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T ENJOY ANYTHING.

I CAN'T D O ANYTHING.

anyways. i really want a piece of chocolate. i have one but i refuse to eat it. it's too good to have right now. maybe it'll make me feel better. or maybe i''ll eat a piece of chocolate and the regret not saving it for later. it doesn't matter. i'm sure i'll get another soon if i do end up eating it. well i hope so at least.

i wish i wrote normal blogs like yk other people. but 99% of my blogs are literally me talking about how much i hate myself lmao. my life is just so boring and meaningless. i don't really know what else o write about these days. i'm just unhappy. it's kinda all i can think about.

my wrist has been hurting a while. i get these pains that shoot from my wrist and down my arm occasionally. i hope its not carpal tunnel. i dont think i could live if i got carpal tunnel.