an open letter to stab_bie (my orange)

we met on roblox early 2021? 2022? 

serendipity support center was the first game i saw you in. you were with a girl. (sherlock, i think.) we became bsfs and trolled on so many rp games, the most fond memory (kinda the only one i remember) we were calling each other rats, and the "staff" had to escort us out hahahaha

we became close friends and you confessed you were trans. I'm actually so sorry remembering you over your deadname and not your preferred name. you had a haircut and showed me the picture. I'm so proud of you.

you sent me a picture from urban dictionary telling me i was your orange person, and i genuinely cried because i had no friends ever since the pandemic (i lost contact with my old ones)

but i got scared and blocked you. "the sunset is beautiful, isn't it?" i never really properly expressed why i blocked you. its stupid, and really fucking stupid.

i was too scared of having older friends that i had to commit to. i was young and naive (help that's so generic???) you were like... 15 or 16 if i had to estimate??

and i was like 11/12 . dyk how much that scared me???? if it sounds like I'm turning this around I'm sorry. 

dude i really miss you and im really sorry. i really am. so much has happened since you're gone.

-i got a scholarship at my dream school!

-i went to three countries already!

-i finally got a friendgroup that i truly cherish

-continued studying Japanese!!

im sorry for not being the orange you thought i was