scared of different

Hi, again I'm going through it, dude. I don't know where to start so I'll just say whatever. I have always been afraid of new, change, anything different. I never wanted to try anything because I was more afraid of embarrassment than any good thing that could come out of any risk. This has been absolutely demolishing to my self-esteem. I have hundreds if not thousands of regrets that I desperately tried to forget. All of which were mainly friendships. I am so ashamed of not doing anything while growing up. I wanted to forget all of my mistakes. I hated myself but I was paralyzed by anxieties and I had no one to help. I still in recent memories do things I regret (things that I didn't do that I should've). I know that I have to change I know that if I don't I won't ever make friends, or do anything that I want and i will fall. I have been making wonderful progress even if i just started now. I did something I found extremely scary but I did it because i wanted to and it was the right decision.