titled novacane 04/03/2024

location: lair

well. hey. been about a month since i last wrote. feels like yesterday. finally got my adderall but it doesn't really do anything for me. i'm not sure what i really want anymore. that's a lie. that's how i feel about anything romantic. i wanna get the internship. i wanna learn more. i hate that i feel like i know nothing. what has the past two years been. i'm getting better at calming down my emotions though. it doesn't feel as all encompassing as it used to. the emotion is there yes, but how i react and feel towards it is my decision alone. so i just breathe and take a second. had the interview today and i don't feel like it went well. i don't know how to be charming or genuine, all i really know is how to be earnest. i don't think that looks very well though. whatever. maybe it went well. either way i'm taking my summer classes. i think i'll do well. if i dont, well that's disappointing. i'm still not eating well but i can't find it in me to even really care about that. my body looks how i wanted it to for so long and i could just care less. it's fine. things will happen, things will work themselves out. all i gotta do for right now is do this draft paper. very boring.