How my PE teacher brought back my insecurities [TW]

Some people were acting weird about the fact I was seriously offended by what my PE teacher did back in 2023. But yet, I decided to get all of this out here to make peace with myself. Treat this blog as a tutorial how to NOT be a good teacher.

For context, I was almost 18 (she knew about it). I was suffering from exercise bulimia, which made me work harder than any other student. I kept practicing until I would start to faint. And then when we would do these as a test (in the same day!!!) I was extremely tired, so I performed poorly, even though earlier I was doing good.

This caused me panic (!) attacks, because I have an anxiety disorder. At first she didn't seem to react to bad. But literally like A DAY BEFORE MY 18TH BIRTHDAY she literally MESSAGED MY MUM. My mum wouldn't leave me alone for weeks. She kept nagging me until I eventually talked about it to my therapist.

On the day of my 18th birthday I approached the PE betch and told her that I am now an adult and I don't wish for her to contact my mother since this is now MY life. She said that "I'm still in high school so she will contact my mum anyway". After I complained about it to my therapist, she said what this teacher was doing is literally illegal since the law says that if I do not consent for it and have all my rights, I have to be left alone since 18 is the legal adult age in my country, and state laws are more important than school rules (school rules should abide state laws).

The stupid part is, this teacher contacted the school pedagogist as well and she literally called those AGGRESSION ATTACKS. It was the stupidest and most humiliating thing she could have done. These were anxiety/panic attacks, if I were aggressive, I would attack others, not the ball, and I would be mad at others, not at my own self. The truth is, apart from self-hate, I haven't felt anger in years. However, the councelor literally wrote it down and I had to show this obvious lie to my doctor...

It was very humiliating since, as a neurodivergent individual, I used to have anger issues as a child. Might not seem that bad, but I was constantly taken to doctors for being suspected for things such as autism or ADHD. To make things worse, I lived in a community that would treat those as something bad (basically, some people were unintentionally ableist). That made me believe I'm worse, weird, a misfit... I WAS 6. It might not work this way if I were older by then, but I was a kid who was still learning about the world and I thought it meant I was worse than anyone else. That led to years of continuous self hate. After all, I'm neither autistic nor ADHD, however I'm still neurodivergent due to brain damage sustained as a kid (my frontal lobe parts were disabled or something) and synaesthesia. Now I embrace it, but these stupid people who call themselves teachers made me feel like underneath my skin I'm just a worthless outcast.

So, this is how to not be a teacher.

I hope these teachers learn their lessons.

XOXO Pawlina