this is a sweet and shimmer callout post

on christmas day, 2023. i was at my grandma's house. now my extended family doesn't know much about my interests or my transgenderness. because of this, i was gifted a squeeze tube of lip gloss that said "sweet & shimmer" on it. i tried it exactly once. considering how light pink it is and how white passing i am, it is essentially clear. it is shiny, though. i don't remember it having much of a taste. however it seems either i have gaslit myself into thinking it had no taste or it expired because as i type this the horrible bitterness won't go away. earlier today, the day after easter, i saw it and thought "wow. i have not worn this lip gloss in a while. it would be a shame if i never wore it." so i put it on. reader, the sheer (no pun intended) amount of bitterness that struck both my nose and my mouth at the same time cannot be understated. some of you reading this may think, "but op! you got it on christmas of 2023! it is currently the day after easter in 2024! surely it wouldn't surprise you if it had expired in that time!" i have lip gloss from 2017 that hasn't expired. remember covergirl colourlicious? i, a 12.5 year old, had it picked out for me by my mother at a grocery store. its almost gone but by God it has managed to retain its lack of taste. now how does a grocery store brand manage to make better lip gloss than the lesser verison of the ulta beauty collection? don't answer that. do you want to know what the worst part is? too bad because i'm telling you now. the sweet and shimmer lip gloss chapped my lips. the chemists at sweet and shimmer have managed to formulate the exact opposite of chapstick. speaking of chemists, isn't there a testing process to make sure it is not the opposite of chapstick? if they test fucking video games, a product that has no effect on the physical state of the user (i am choosing to ignore vr), it wouldn't be too stupid of me to think they do that for lip gloss, right? am i insane? is this why there is no more sweet and shimmer at ulta beauty? because eating three whole gummy krabby patties and putting different flavoured gloss on does not drown the taste out? who buys this for their nephew who they don't know is their nephew?