holy shit

933 as i think and write saturday

it’s been quite a while since i’ve written here, but the website itself hasn’t been forgotten. i’ve thought about writing, but i am superstitious person which makes me believe that if i write in here everything i’ve built up to in my life would crumble down, leaving me with more rage to self-destroy and whatnot. but then again, our lives are out of our control and the only thing that we can steer are our feelings—i am bad at them, but i try.

so, updates, updates, updates.

college life has been good, i just keep eating the same food and talking to the same people over and over again. not quite the social star of the psychology department, but! i am in the talks with a professor of mine so that i can work as her… underling? what’s the word for academic slave, overall student? phd candidate? academic? i don’t know, but i will be following her around and teaching some of her classes, so that’s great.

german is good, still easy but now with a somewhat autistic teacher. i love her! she has humiliated me countless times and i am still getting the highest grades of my classroom, so that’s an interesting relationship. contrary to college, i do have friends at my german lessons, i really like everyone there and firmly believe we are all united by the traumatic experience that is having your brain stuffed with countless verbs and conjugations of a language that we are now starting to understand. 

talking about relationships, i got back with that girl i used to write about in 2023, from august to october. poor her, to her bad luck i rationalized my sentiments and also wrote her an apology letter to see if she would take the bait. i am glad she did because i think i love her.

i lost more weight. 90 lbs, currently underweight but my face is still chubby, probably water retention or just the fuck-ton of sugar i refuse to stop eating. 

anyway, life is there. it’s something, and i’m getting the hang of it.