Entry #027 - Minimalism Fantasies

[This is a continuation of my recent bulletin.]

Like many folks, I've been going through it with the depression and all. 

Lately, my depression has taken a new direction. I've been fantasizing about minimalism. I've spent much of my life in a total state of mostly organized maximalism, which has brought me much joy. My house looks nice. I have very cool things. 

But this new episode of depression has me wanting to sell or otherwise get rid of 95% of EVERYTHING I own. Afterwards, I'd move into the smallest possible living space, with bare walls and close to no possessions. (Perhaps a studio apartment or a "tiny home.") 

My only possessions would include: 

• very plain, practical clothing
• bare necessities (sleeping cot instead of a bed, 1-2 bath towels, etc.)
• simple spiritual items (a SMALL altar, book of shadows, basic cleansing tools)

Does anyone else get like this? Has anyone here done it? 

A huge barrier for me personally is being married... to a normal spouse who enjoys living a normal life. And I respect that, obviously. That's why it's just a fantasy. It would take a groundbreaking tragedy for me to actually go forth and pursue this lifestyle, like losing my husband. And I don't want to lose him. His presence is more rewarding than the idea of minimalism. 

If I ever do lose him (either by death or divorce) I would likely change my whole name and move far away. Start over completely. Start completely from the ground up with nothing. Devote my empty life to the Creator / Source Energy. Currently I devote very little attention to that, and I'm actively hindering my own spiritual growth by being in love and enjoying worldly things. I'm in a limbo state of taking things day by day... surviving in this world and enduring the life I've made for myself. 

Remember, YOU are in charge of your own life. Do what you want with that power. 

Sometimes thoughts of su*cide still cross my mind, but that option is far less appealing than simply starting over. You don't know what you don't know. The whole point of incarnating on Earth is to LEARN stuff and grow wiser. Expand your soul. Love and be loved, create and be created. Transform yourself numerous times.