Im so hungry

Im pretty sure its just puberty or hormones but i have been SO hungry. All ive wanted to do is just eat eat eat. I was dreaming about baguettes. Eating makes me happy. I eat when im bored. I think theres a word for that… kuchisabishii? 口寂しい. When you eat because your mouth is lonely. Ive also been so tired. I go to bed at like 9 and wake up at 2. I should've used this break to get better! I should've gotten up early and went to bed early. But no, im the same. Puberty is killing me because all my emotions are so extreme. I need to control my emotions because i cant keep going on like this. I want to get better. I want to want to wake up in the morning. I want to want to get out of bed. I want to be healthy and pretty and nice. But i just …cant. I need more time. Its pathetic. I don't know why im waiting. I promised myself id at least try this break. I didnt. I haven't showered in so long. My hair is tangled and my bangs are greasy and i havent read my book and SCHOOL IS TOMORROW. I hate school and i dont want to go. I dont think im fit to go honestly. Im stupid as hell and im not mentally there at all. I want to stay in my room and be alone and eat and sleep and get better on my own. Things have gotten slightly better with...him. I guess. We played roblox and then he switched up. He was saying how cute i was and saying he is falling in love with me. At first i was like “YESS this is what i want!!”  But then he kept going and im like…eh. Im being a hypocrite! This is what i wanted right? I love him, right? I don't know. I actually cant go to school tomorrow. Im going to get so much worse. Im not ready and i don't think ill ever be. 

Go listen to the song インフレイションII.