The Grand Performance of Life

The stage is set for your debut, acting your heart out for those you do not know

I want to be seen as cute, somewhat. Now, that may be surprising with my pretentious, semi-long ramblings about things like "the point" and the melancholy of spring, but its true. Even I am not immune of the constant striving for a vision of myself. I wear things like perfume (always) and light makeup (sometimes) solely for that reason. But why do things like that? Why do we as people strive for identity, to be seen in certain ways?

Maybe its less cute, but more delicate. After all, I hide my thoughts in questions and flowery language. But whats more important is the core of this: the performance. Do I wear makeup to feel attractive, or to be seen as attractive? Both? Something in between? Bleh, confusing stuff, isnt it? A blog about my daily musings is not an easy one, haha. I guess its more to feel attractive, more "perfect" to myself. After all these days I have nobody to impress, except you, dear reader.

The Grand Performance of Life is something I think about a lot. Everything you do is in some way reflective of how you yourself want to be viewed. You know how I wrote "bleh" earlier? Unintentional, but it makes a good example. Thats a thing I do that makes me seem cute. To myself, but mostly others. Is that being insincere? Or more true to myself? After all, knowing the reason you do something doesnt mean its not true. I eat food because Im hungry. I drink water because Im thirsty. I write because I need an outlet. I say things like "bleh" or use emoticons because I want to be seen as cute. So I want to ask, dear reader, what is your little act? We all have one. Something you know you do, maybe taught yourself to do even, but you do anyways because its true to yourself.

Im really stuck on myself rather than the actual point this time arent I? Well, rewrites be damned I will pull through :p

I think that the performative self is something we should really think about more in day to day life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be different, but when it becomes patently untrue to yourself issues start to arise. Social media makes you want to present one part of yourself, work wants you to present none of yourself, your family wants you to tone yourself down, eventually there comes a point where you have to say that you are YOU. That life is enough of a burden, that you can at least give yourself the grace of being you. These acts are tiring, and with every day sap more of yourself out of you.

Just remember, in this grand performance: You write the script, and make sure its a damn good one.

-Rachel Rosethorn