Anxious again

My fuck it we ball didn’t work. I am constantly feeling this grading anxiety and I throw up everything I eat because of it. I wanted to apologize to my sister this week for the way I acted prior to being hospitalized, because looking back at it is…. Painful, but I didn’t because I got too scared of the outcome. I’m anxious about that, plus I’m anxious about school and these new people coming in here. Idk what I’m going to do except be a loser admiring people from a distance while they have fun with eachother. I wish I weren’t so sad and more angry or something progressive. I wish I were more confrontational and  whatever but I’m scared. Of everything. It’s what keeps me at a constant anxiety high. I’m so scared, yesterday I almost passed out after receiving a TEXT like be so fr it is not that deep, jagger!! Why are you passing out dipshit!! Dammit all I can do is let time pass me by and schoolwork and work work. This sucks. I wish I could tell people my feelings and apologize and just do shit I need to do without being fucking scared. Okay whatever guys bye forever.