vent

I've been in kinda a rut lately. I was already kinda down about my friend situation and then cover hit and I started seeing people even less then before. after hanging out with friends last Monday, I realized something. I have three friends; friends 1 and 2 are dating so I often third wheel with them and friend 3 has a super busy schedule. they're in college (I'm a senior in hs) and their school schedule is pretty erratic, plus every other weekend they go to their fwb's house like 40 mins away and now they're gonna be moving there in the next year. I'm really happy for them all but I feel like I have nobody. and because of my anxiety and how I hate going out, its gotten so hard to make connections with others. I use some dating apps and apps to makes friends and I honestly dread getting messages. I just want to have someone I felt normal around. I'm such a fucking freak. I don't feel like a person, I feel like a shell. I wish I could cry it out but there's nothing to let out. I shouldn't hurt myself