idgaf

my thing is just that like. i do not careeeee anymore. abt anythinggggg. ik ive said that in the past but let me clarify that it extends across everything. like the most i care about is being able to eat my fucking pizza rolls and sleep. i think its kinda like burnout from all the years i spent being suffocated by anxiety and having panic attacks and not living my goddamn life because ive always been sooo scared of being possibly hated, or even minimally disliked, and i spent every second of my life trying to be perfect for everyone's liking and trying to be a fucking saint that nobody can attack that now i just have no energy for it. i do the bare minimum for anything. yes i still feel anxious abt things but my response to that, to protect myself, is to give up on whatever is making me so anxious. if i stop caring so much about it how can i still be anxious and frightened? im done putting others before myself. that doesnt mean i neglect those around me, it just means i am no longer neglecting myself. some people may want to burn me at the stake for daring to possibly put myself first but guess what??? IDGAF!!! i have my own morals and prinsciples and if they aren't to someone's liking, big deal, so what? ill listen to those calling me out for something genuinely, indisputably bad and harmful that ive said and done and i will apologise, but if im simply doing something people may not personally believe is right or just dont like? i cant afford to care. im taking back my confidence and my power that i didnt have during the most crucial time that i needed it, and if that's so terrible, then sorry, i guess. im not going back to the scared, pathetic, timid little thing i was, even if that means someone might get offended by it.