# 7; * online!

3/9/2024

i caught myself missing you earlier. i was quick to correct myself and rotate my sorrows to their default setting. if you hold it up to the light it kind of disappears but if you tilt your head right you'll see it's all there. i love you but sometimes i wanna strangle you. i'm the day the leaves start to turn brown. the last protestant bite of chill in the middle of spring. cut it loose  ╱  watch you work the room... you're an entire solar system forced to resemble a solitary star. i cry walking between places i need to be. your potential proximity at any given time occupies my every thought. i've lost count of all the tiny wars going on in my head— but it doesnt feel right to complain about them at all. a cherished gift from a cherished friend. loving someone so much it consumes your soul. wanting so badly to hate someone but not being able to bring yourself to. i wish i could channel myself different, better, quicker. i want to do a fraction of what you do. its not wrong to accept a gift from the universe every now and then. if you build it they will come— i learnt it from the best. the attic's full of you. the human brain is capable of the most incredible and horrifying things. i miss that night with the blanket fort except for the part where i felt like shit which was honestly most of it. kinda funny how that works. i've never known exactly what to say but somehow i feel like that always works out when it comes to others and not myself. i could slump over & collapse right @ this instant. i dont get to complain though. thank you for saying we've made it ours. to pour your heart out is to send 100 letters, all at once. no one knows where they came from or who they're for, sometimes not even you. sooner or later than i'd like i'm gonna have to look ahead and i wish i could just put it off a little bit longer. my emotion consumes me and it is infuriating.* theres the little things at least. thanks for listening— same time next week?.... i feel like there's more to be said but i also think i've said more than enough. until your next orange sunset (i know it's your favorite color)

xoqr

(it still feels like it's raining)

* waiting for things that won't happen at any given time is torture no matter what those things are.