life update//serious stuff//vent?? 05/03/2024

its been a while again. thought id write some sorta update.

the last time i posted here, i was talking about how i was struggling to get by and not kms.

my boyfriend attempted last monday. have been visiting him at the ward. hes doing better, finally got put on meds and stuff, but hes gonna miss our prom tomorrow. he really wanted to go,,

back before we got together, he put "your deep rest" in a show n tell playlist he made for me when i started exploring emo music n such. well, "home like no place is there" really hits different now. fuck man,, i am either extremely zoned out and feel indifferent towards it or i cry so much i end up passing out from exhaustion before 9pm, no inbetween.

the due date for our graduation projects is right behind the corner and either i am super zoned out because of my personal life bein turned upside down, or i get so stressed i feel like im gonna drop dead. after dan's attempt, doing it myself is simply not an option, but im just so stressed and tired of everything. but i cant help but feel incredubly bad that yknow,, that i have suicdl thoughts and stuff with all this other shit happening. i dont deserve to feel like this, because the shit i deal with is just not bad enough i think, it can always be worse.

also took some tests with my therapist plus he did some research on his own and he said that my experience fits quiet bpd so yeah thats fun as well

i honestly dont really want to go to prom or do anything really without dan here with me. but i know i should cause yknow,, you can have your own prom only once before youre just a guest. so uhh yea fun

i dont really know what else to write here. take care yall