04/03/2024 How did we get here

It's foolish of me to believe that I was ready for a relationship, especcially in a polyrelationship with two women whose faces I've never seen. I need an actual relationship but I'm starting to realize i might be stunted in more ways than socially now. The fear I feel when talking to people in real life is distinct from the one I feel talking to strangers on the net. 

How does one get better at being conversational? How do I get rid of this constant paranoia that people are going to leave me? That I might be faking my way through life? How do I snuff the need to kill off my relationships when they insist that they want to be with me? How do I keep a healthy and happy long-distance relationship when I am not even sure I am being catfished?

My mind is a fertile field for growing paranoia and self-hate. Might be because I lack sleep and energy. Who knows? Definitely not me.


Lesson: Social skill development is crucial not just for a person's social development but also for their personal and emotional wellbeing.