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i think im slowly forgetting things about my routine
and,it looks i am not being that concerned,worried about them
i hope i don't lose my memory... the people, things i like and... contact with life...
i once watched a video by Evie Meg (this trippy hippie) where she talked about her journey into derealization..
she said she lost her total memory for about a year..or something like that..
she didn't knew her name and anything...who she was,what as happenning..
im afraid this will happen...
anyway, this is all my family's fault.
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Zona
family's fault or not, as someone who's dealt with my own dissociation/derealization episodes, it usually comes from the things I use as escapism. I have horrible memory issues all through my childhood, and thats because I grew up in an abusive home that made it hard to feel safe being in my environment mentally.
the first things that really helped me get out of that was just trying to pay attention to my body. do I feel clean? am I hungry? do I need to pee? etc, then from there I would try to take action to help me with whatever I felt that I was missing.
a big contributor to me not feeling grounded to reality was using my phone and the internet as a space that I felt welcomed and comforted by. at its worse I would sit alone at school browsing reddit instead of talking to friends and if they ever did talk to me I would blurt out some chronically online shit that would make others uncomfortable. I feel like since then its only been normalized for people to do that despite it not being healthy.
anyways im just yapping. next time you're in a space with friends or away from home, try noticing finer details about your environment and your surroundings. it took me years to finally feel safe enough to live in the real world without being on my phone and even longer to go anywhere without constantly needing headphones so dont be too hard on yourself,
the important part is that you can try to do things differently and learn what works to help you feel grounded
I managed to deal with my derealization for a long time,it got even weaker and it was very good.
But now I'm having another kind of depressive episode in my life, so it gets difficult.
I do all of what you said.
I always notice small things. And since I don't have a cell phone, I have plenty of time to do this.
I just wish this would all end soon, it's been almost 2 years..
thanks for the words.
by daniel; ; Report