I HATE BEING ALIVE

im so fucking sick of being sick. like this shit is actually annoying. ive never been closer to blowing my fucking brains out. i dont even wanna die i just dont wanna be here. theres literally nothing here for me. i have no where to go and its fucking exhausting. i just want to live without feeling like im in prison IN MY OWN FUCKING HEAD. FUCKKKK. NOTHING GETS BETTER THEY R LYING. i cant remember a time where i wanted to live. ive always fucking hated living. i remember when i was little i used to beg god to kill me in my sleep. i dont understand why i was even like that, my life wasnt even that bad yet. I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE. I DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT ANYTHING I DONT GIVE A FUCK. all i do is fucking smoke pot n i dont even care about pot anymore. i need something better. oxy works, ambien works, VALIUM WORKS. ill fucking do any drug that puts me into my own moment with myself. I HATE EVERYONE. I NEED TO BE ALONE. ITS ONLY ME AND THE FUCKING VOICES FUCK

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