WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

26/02/24

i have been waking up really early in the middle of the night, like 3 am or 7 am type of thing, sometimes i can go back to sleep or sometimes i go into the pc and i play some game or something, idk; why its been happening? and i think im going to a psychosis state again thanks to my dreams, now my dreams are just memories of somethings that have already happened and is so boring, the only thing i can do is remember something out of nowhere and think "oh shit, i dreamed about this thing today" nothing new, soooo boring

in 2019 i started having psychosis states where i would be so paranoid about my dreams and nightmares and i had almost everyday some type of sleep paralysis and that psychosis states started happening really often so in 2022 i had to go to a psych ward for different things but one of them is that i was having hallucinations and hearing voices everything bound to my dreams so i know for a fact that there's no going back because i can tell by my types of dreams and how paranoid i am about everything

i remember there was a time that i couldn't go outside my room, i was too afraid and every time i wake up from a dream i was hearing voices, there were dark times that i know that they are probably gonna happen, plus the pills are not helping much anymore

edit: i think i know why im waking up in the middle of the night, so i think is the ptsd of being afraid of having a sleep paralysis or some nightmare, i remember when i was sleeping i had to move one finger so i knew i wasn't having a  paralysis and i am so afraid of all the psychosis happening again and the voices that when im remembering things in my dreams i need to wake up, idk, thats my take