i've been meaning to get to writing another one of these for, like, the past 3 days, i have a whole list of things to talk about but i think i am sick and tired of lists so i will just go wherever my brain takes me... right after i fuck up this pizza it's 2:40am i woke up from a """""""nap"""""""""" about two hours ago and only like 45min ago was able to drag myself out of bed and get food/prepare to do things i Should have done when i got home from work. so gimme just a sec

ok hi. honestly i am struggling with being alive So Much but i kind of don't feel like i'm Allowed to so i suppress it which like i guess the suppression of my struggles gaslights myself into believing i'm not actually struggling at all which feeds into the imposter syndrome. among us?! sorry that was WAY out of left field to come back and type. i already want to get back into bed but i won't let myself until i write this because if i get back in bed now i won't finish it and i'll feel bad for starting something and not seeing it through. and there's arguably more important things i should be doing but!! it's fine.

ugh. i probably shouldn't stay up too much longer though because i can't nap between classes tomorrow i have stuff i Need to get done. anyway. those are all thoughts that no one here will or should care about so

since my last journal . umm i'm getting a new cart tomorrow and i know i'm gonna tell myself i need to use it sparingly but it's gonna end up being empty in a week anyway. i worked all weekend which honestly none of my shifts were particularly overwhelming and i am grateful but i still came back from work and was drained because like it's Work yk. i remembered (thanks to dillon) in depth how important imagine dragons are to me and relistened to evolve (my favorite album of theirs... i'll never understand the mixed reviews it got) and subsequently added their discography to my autism playlist after not having properly listened to them in years. imagine dragons will always have such a special place in my heart— they were for me in middle school who fall out boy is for me now and i'll always love them for that. 

here's a screenshot i sent to dillon when i was relistening—

funny thing— i was actually so ready to write another blog post at the time of sending those messages but then i had an Idea...

...and proceeded to make a Literal Spreadsheet for the first time in my recent memory—

and that's why this was postponed! was because i got distracted making a spreadsheet and this is the first time i've had the time and motivation to write another silly little blog.

i spent a lot of time in my campus' ceramics studio on friday night... i worked a bit on our current sculpture assignment (which i'm not a super huge fan of but i digress) and tried to make some yin/yang ashtrays that i plan to give to two of my friends who are dating. they don't fit perfectly together as i hoped they would (even though i cut both sides from the same circle...) but i still think they'll do their job well enough. i'm so impatient though i want to give them to them Neow but they have to dry and be fired and glazed and stuff and i'm only in the studio a few times a week so it'll take time for all that to actually happen... but aaugh it's ok. (last attachment i promise)

ahh! the thing i've been really meaning to talk about. (well there's 2 things but this is one of them) i beat side order!! actually like... not long after i posted my first blog post lol. i beat it after class the following afternoon ^^; it was so amazing though and i haven't gotten the chance to play since yesterday but i'll hopefully have some time to squeeze in a run or two tomorrow. but i REALLY LOVED THE ENDING!!!!!! i absolutely adore this dlc and off the hook and dedf1sh and agent 8 and ouughhahhghhh....... i could talk about it forever. <3 i was also thinking about who my favorite merchants are across all 3 games lmfao first and foremost is my beloved jelfonzo... that is my little baby who i love so much and i love fuck you tuesdays and i think jelfonzo is just peak splatoon merchant followed closely only by MOE, CRAYMOND and NAILS because i really am just so obsessed with the strange little guys. and then comes spyke because i honestly am just a little bit in love with him (in my mind he sounds like hobie in atsv... i'm regular). and then after that come harmony, shelly and donny because they are just sillies. i love splatoon and i am regular about it <3

ok and now onto the other thing .

I AM SO FUCKING REGULAR. 

does not feel real folks let me tell ya! because FUCK YOU MEAn they bedazzled the 8 ball and filmed in vegas the week andy got married (I'M REDRAWING ONE OF THEIR WEDDING PICS BTW?!?!?!?) and we still don't know what song it's for and they're teasing some kind of cameo and they're probably gonna make a silly goofy ass fucking mv for the most soul—crushing song on the album (smfs) just like they did with mania (bishops knife trick) because they're the most unserious band of all time and and nsnajdfmnbg Girl I Swear To Fucking God <#<#,#,3,33=4rfgijogkvn 2OURDUST STARTS IN TWO. FUCKING. DAYS. NOT ONLY IS THE FUCKING 8 BALL GOING TO COME BACK BUT WE'RE ALSO GOING TO SEE WHATGEVER CHANGES WERE MADE TO THE GENERAL SETLIST. WHAT IF THEY TAKE AWAY TTTYG SPOT. WHAT IF DOLDRUMS/GINASFS ARE PERMANENTLY IN IOH SPOT. someone said the HORRIFYING "what if they take headfirst slide/fake out/heaven iowa off the setlist" and to that i say SILENCE FOOL. SHUT THE FUCK UP THEY WILL NEVER GO AWAY. what if they PLAY SMFS TITLE TRACK RIGHT BEFORE SATURDAY. what if DEEP BLUE LOVE PIANO MEDLEY. what if A NEW SONG TURNS INTO A SEMI—STAPLE THE WAY GINASFS/DOLDRUMS/27/ETC DID. AND WHAT IF THAT SONG IS GET BUSY LIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm going to fucking ecxplide❤️ i need to go to bed see u tomorrow

(also i'll post another poem soon i promise.. maybe tomorrow during my first class)

sweet dreams.. ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁

xo qr