°。°。°。°。one second longer °。°。°。°。

i cant handle watching people leave. sometimes you just drift apart from people, other times there's a reason to move on. i moved around a lot, so i got used to people saying "oh yeah, we'll still be friends" only for it to never really happen. sometimes they genuinely mean it, other times they dont want to make me sad. but it does make me sad.

it makes me sad when i can hear the lie slip out their lips. the hesitation, the tone, the forced smile. and all i think is, they dont want me anymore. so i just lie back, pretend smile and everything while tears stream down my face. "of course! see ya soon!"

the worst part is seeing them walk out. please linger. please stall. please forget your scarf and come back. please dont say goodbye. sometimes, i ask them to stay with me until i fall asleep. holding me close, stroking my hair down, kissing my forehead, singing a lullaby, whispering goodnight. goodnight is better than goodbye. its easier that way, because the memory of them just becomes a really long dream. and yeah, i wake up without them. my heart aches for them for weeks after, realising im all alone now. but its better than trying to milk the feeling of their presence all the way until they walk out the door. and when they do leave, i find myself stuck staring at the door like a lost puppy. 

i dont want people to stay if they dont want to. id never ask that of them. i wish happiness to every person ive met. but its like death when someone becomes nothing but a memory. wouldnt you want to hold onto a dying loved one for just a second longer?

i never believe that anyone will really stay in my life, no matter how times they say they will. when i meet someone new, my heart tugs because i know i will watch them leave eventually. i cant help but take it personally. i remember everyone who leaves.

please dont ever say goodbye.