very very weird and terrible lunch..

wow this is my first entry! I've never had a public digital notebook before so hello strangers.

I want to be interesting for my first blog post but my life is very boring. Everything I want to share is just kinda depressing or just genuinely so mind-numbingly boring but I like to act like people care and my profile is a safe place to talk about stuff even though it isn't very secretive. 

So lemme just talk about something that happened today. I get in line for lunch today. I just transferred schools for sophomore year and I haven't been successful in making friends. Unfortunately I'm so incredibly awkward and I can't seem to say anything right so it leads to sorta "we are kinda friendly but im also really quiet and awkward and I don't respond to any conversation correctly which leads to me killing any sort of effort of making an actual conversation and maybe becoming friends even if I want us to be" and its very annoying because I want to let go of this trait but it can't seem to shake it off.

But anywho. I got in line for lunch and for some reason this school enjoys not making a line but just bunching together and the only way to get your food quickly is to skip the line. Like literally skipping in line is so normalized here, and if you don't you end up at the back of the line and the good food is gone.

 And I was sorta over it because who has the nerve to snap at a bunch of hungry and very tall older classmates? I'm like 5'1 and i can barely manage to speak above a whisper in class... and so soon enough I was at the back. 

The burgers had run out and they only had nachos which sorta taste like water that's meant to be cheese-like and unsalted chips and I was like "hell nah" and I heard that people were waiting to get the second round of burgers so I waited on the side of the line that diverges from the main one.

After a while I was scared because lunch would be over soon and I really wanted to get some fucking nachos but my mind was like "no, no someone will judge you for getting out of line and the lunch guy is gonna be upset at you and he'll ask why you didn't get nachos to begin with" and I was confused because why would anyone care about what im doing??? But for some reason I listened and I started feeling a bit restless after ten minutes went by.

More time passed and the line got super duper empty. Another person left the line I was in, saying it was a waste of time and I totally agreed but my feet wouldn't move so I just stood there like an idiot, wanting nachos but too scared to move for some reason. 

Soon more people left the line and I don't know why I felt like combusting. I got itchy and sweaty and everything and I felt on the verge of hyperventilating over a nasty ass burger that was taking too long for how mid it was or some tasteless nachos that would starve me. Then I thought about all the people at my table I sat at who would be looking at me being awkward and weird about some nachos and the itchiness turned into sorta painful hive-like needle stinging.

Eventually they told us to get something else and the lady was kind when she offered me some super disgusting cold fries covered in some very questionable substance and a crooked grilled cheese sandwich and I sat down at my table questioning my life.

And over a burger? Thats what gets me. They are decent but not good enough to sell my peace of mind. Why didn't I just leave the line like a normal person? Why didn't I just skip the line? And why didn't I just get nachos instead of forcing myself to stand there like a lost idiot?

So yeah. Thats how my day went. Weird. Hopefully I haven't scared anyone off. Or put you to sleep. Thanks for reading. What a weird start to my journaling journey lmao