Midnight thoughts but it's actually 4am

How comes that every time that I manage to get better there's always something that ruins it all? Maybe it's a me problem or is it just my own mind taking a toll on me, it's weird to feel good and horrible at the same time.

I always wonder if I'm genuinelly getting better or if the only thing getting better is my capacity of overcoming an managing my feelings. Is that what getting better means? Only to learn how to manage and getting over what brings you down? It's unfair, to never be what once you've been in the past, sometimes it for the best but I can't help but thinking that if I had a second opportunity I would've done things differently, is that how everyone feels about their life? 

If I had a second opportunity I would've just finished it all for once anyways.