My middle school best friend

A couple weeks ago, my best friend from middle school DM me wanting to catching up. At first, I said I'd love to and was ready to set a date for our meet up. But then I started thinking (and once I start I can't stop), and I realized that maybe I don't actually want to. Some context, our friendship was pretty messy, like all 7th grade friendships are, but it was different. Of course, she was the most important person in my life at the time, she was the first person to call me her best friend and I cherished her with my whole being. We walked home together everyday, we fangirled over the same things, we were each others wingman, we even had promise rings and made a deal to always be in each others lives, we were literally inseparable. But all while we were living the good parts of our friendship, the messiest and pettiest moments were happening/happened. At first, I thought this would make our friendship stronger, and for some time it did, until it didn't. One thing you need to know about her is she was boy crazy, it became a problem in the beginning of our friendship, but I learned to accept this about her- she also started dating a boy so her rants of crushing on a new boy was on a pause. And you guessed it, this boy became another problem in our friendship. To make a long story short, somewhere in their relationship, me and this boy started getting closer, so close to the point he started cheating on her with me. Not my proudest moment I know, but during this time I started feeling like maybe she deserved this. It was like I had an epiphany, because maybe I resented her for all the bad things she did to me. For keeping me up at night saying she was gonna off herself and trying to text her out of it, for being so mad at me because I didn't want to hear her talk about her new crush to the point of wanting to fight me, for sending me pictures of her wrist when I would ask her how are you, for telling me about her first time even though I didn't want to know because we were 13-fucking-years-old, for always talking so badly about herself just because she wanted to hear me say good things about her, for liking all the same boys I did, for making me feel like every problem we had was always my fault. I thought "maybe I don't like her as much as I say I do." She drove me up the wall, but she was my best friend. How could I have done something so selfish and so cruel to my best friend? I came the conclusion that yes, she was my best friend, but she wasn't a good friend. Don't get me wrong, I was no better. For comparing myself to her because all the boys wanted her and not me, for never truly being happy for her when was in a new relationship, for thinking a way of how to make her boyfriend break up with her so he could be with me, for not listening to her talk about boys or crushes when she knew no one else wanted to. But that's exactly why I changed my mind about us catching up, what is there to say? Sure we were best friends and have a history together, but with the history we have, isn't it better to just let it be? I thought I was holding a grudge for her and I should let it go since this was all 6 years ago, but I feel like it's more than just "a grudge." As time passed, I realized that I had nothing good to remember about our friendship. We were both young and naive and made stupid decisions. She was my middle school best friend and I was her's, so maybe we should just leave it at that. And who knows, maybe somewhere in the future we do end up catching up and talking again, but for now, I'll just leave it in the past.