02.15.24

I've been feeling pretty anxious the past two days. I've learned that it just kinda happens sometimes. It comes and goes every month or so. The last few times I've been depressed, cant cry, the works. This time though, im just constantly anxious. I feel horrible, and like everything I've ever done is wrong. I didn't go to school today. I lost my airpod last night.

Everything feels so,, graphic today. I had a dream last night that was pretty gross. It was about me and some other people stuck in this castle or maze. I've never watched a Saw movie, but its a little bit like how id imagine that'd go. A couple people stuck here under this powerful, in-control sadist. I don't remember a lot, but i remember lots of themes of amputation.

One part at the end that i do remember, was me trying to escape. How the monster, game-master or whoever worked was, if any of my body still existed, then i could escape. Doesn't matter if i died, i was still there, stuck. In the moment, there was barely anything left of my body. Shoulders and collar and neck, and a bicep. Somehow, someway, my remaining body was turned to stone, and before the monster could revive me, i took the chance of escape. Using some out of body, or ghostly powers, i swiped at the floor and my remaining body slid across the floor. I then grabbed a nearby knife, or screwdriver and drove it into my stone chest. It broke into three pieces, a left shoulder, a right shoulder, and a bicep. The monster panicked, and was reaching towards me now. I knew that i wasn't done, and that my body needed to be completely destroyed to die. I drove the object into all three pieces and shattered them. Then i woke up.

Because of that dream, my heightened anxiety, and the news of Twomads overdose death, i feel very graphic today. Like how you feel after watching a horror movie that was too messed up. People are stayed over for the night Saturday, and im really not looking forward to it. I want my privacy, and i cant sleep if people are staying in the room next to mine. I wouldn't be able to do my routine, and because of that i wouldn't be able to sleep or relax at all. Im really not looking forward to it. Logging off.